A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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