all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
