Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize