ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
