DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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