we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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