Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
