Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize
