people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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