Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
