I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Four minutes until I can fart!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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