he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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