Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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