I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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