K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
