He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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