So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
