So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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