the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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