my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
