You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
