Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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