My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Welp...herpes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
