My nipple is on Facebook.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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