I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
