I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
