There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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