Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
