We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize