He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
