Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
