and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize