i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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