I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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