I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dicks are not precious.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
