the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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