We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
