Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
