Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
