Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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