Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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