I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
