I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
