Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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