my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
