Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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