I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
