I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
