so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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