I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
