I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
