the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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