Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
