Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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