you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
