You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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