flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
