I wish I could punch you in the face.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
