Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
