if only i could text you this smell
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
