Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
