just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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