He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
