U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
