He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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