$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
