I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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