no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
