So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
