i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
