Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can text with my tongue
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
