He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
