True but thats because hes a fetus.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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