wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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