I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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