I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
