haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize