Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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