Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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