she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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