Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
