I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
