my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
