dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
