the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
