Cold hands, warm shart.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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