I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
