I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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