what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize