Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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