He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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