I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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