Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
