All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
