Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I cut my penus on the lid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
