Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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