Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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