Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize