he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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