She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
