Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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