This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
